The Simple Truth about me

I have decided to create a blog to simply write down my thoughts about my life and what is happening to me. I am 26 as of writing this, an Indian born American male citizen. I was born in a remote town about 2 hours north of the southern most tip of India. It was a simple small town called Kerela. My family there was not rich by any means and we got by with what we had. My parents got sponsored to come to America by my aunt so they left me and my sister in the care of our grandmother for a year while they settled in New York. They came and got us and brought us all to New York when I turned 5 years old. We lived in a small apartment for about 5 years and then my family moved out to the suburbs when I was 10 years old. I have been living here in this suburban town for the last 16 years.

While I am an Indian I have lived in the US for as long as I can remember. I no longer have my accent but I can still speak my native tongue because my grandmother lives with us and that is the only way we can communicate. Being here in the US means that I am constantly being torn between my traditional Indian Christian background and that of the society of new york. Like most young adults I rebel against my traditional side. I will always be Indian but what I want for my life is the American dream. To one day fall in love with a beautiful girl who loves me just as much as she does. I want to be able to have kids that I can take care of and teach them to make it in this world. To have a job that I enjoy going to that allows me to take care of the people I love and afford the things we want and need. To own the house in the suburbs with multiple bedrooms and enough yard space for the kids to play in.

A what a great dream it would be. But that's just it. Its a dream that isn't reality. The true reason behind me writing this blog is to chronicle the sadness in my life about acquiring this dream. I consider myself both lucky and unlucky in life. I know there are lots of people in life who would kill to be able to have what I have but it doesn't change the way I feel about my self. If you look at life from the outside I have a lot of things going for me. I have my mother, grandmother, and sister who all care for me. I currently live at home with my mother and grandmother and they do a lot for me. They do my laundry, cook me food, take care of keeping the house in order and don't ask much back in return.

I graduated high school close to top of my class and went onto college. The first college I went to didn't go so well. I wasn't sure what I wanted in life and I'm not that great in social situations. I dropped out of my first college and got a job at a local EB Games. I love video games and knew a lot about them. I was able to take my knowledge and share it with people who needed help and this made my feel good about myself and to develop the social skills I was so sorely lacking. While a job at the mall can put some change in your pocket it won't allow you to reach a point of independence. So my mother recommended that I go back to school and try out X-ray school. It was a decision of either trying to become an assistant manager and work my way up the chain or go back and go to school. Luckily for me my application to be an assistant manager got lost when the district manager got fired. The choice was made for me and I went back to school.

I learned that I really liked doing x-rays and was very good and efficient at it. It gave me a feeling doing a job that was helping people while not having to deal with a lot of unwanted physical contact. It also allowed me to make enough money to one day live my dreams out. I worked hard and got offered a job where I performed my clinical. Soon enough I was earning a healthy pay check and even moved on to make more money doing CT scans.

I don't like who I am physically. I am a big person. I am 6'0, weigh over 260 lbs, and not the guy girls picture as their dream husband. I also don't like who I am inside. I think I am quite a boring person. I am a geek at heart and I love computers, video games, and gadgets. I have an unhealthy obsessions with things like Warcraft and Halo taking up to much of my time.

I have a type A personality where I have to constantly be doing things. It used to be school and work took up most of my time but I knew that it was working toward something. Now that I am here after taking care of what I need to I fill my time with non sense. Watching movies, tv shows, video games, anything to keep my mind off of what I don't have. I always had an addictive personality and that's why I stay away form things like cigarettes, alcohol, and drugs. When I find something I like I latch onto it and keep constantly thinking about it. I want to be able to use that energy on someone but it hasn't happened yet.

I haven't fallen in love...