I've run into a few problems when dealing with the game. The biggest one is probably still approach anxiety. I'm not sure if I will ever get over it. I have yet to really approach a set of more then one with any intention. If I do decide to approach it will be a girl when she is alone. The other problem is just not knowing what to say to them. Creating a conversation and making it flow are skills that I have just not mastered yet. I watch other people do it and they can bounce off one topic and move to the other. Also choice of topic is very important. It's important to listen to what a person says but its important to return the conversation in a way that makes her feel emotion. If you decide to talk about the weather you probably won't be enticing her into wanting to stay and talk to you.
The best thing to do though is to keep pushing through. Keep finding people to talk to. Regardless of gender, age, or looks just keep talking. It's very important to get into the social mood and just find anything to talk about. After warming up you usually find yourself just going after people to talk to and it usually feels natural. For me though I always just have that voice in the back of my head just pulling myself out of the situation and wishing I did go int here.
Last night was our Christmas party for work. Where I work there are tons of hot babes and there was a ton of eye candy. I definitely have a certain type of girl. I'm into white chicks that have a beautiful smile, that are not skinny. For the last year there was a nurse named Teri that is just perfect when it comes to my type of woman. For the longest time I couldn't even get the courage to go up to her and talk to her. I would look at her for a distance. I finally started saying hello to her whenever we passed in the hallways but I never did more then that. While at a bar last night I was talking up one of the other girls at the party and I get into a social mood.
I see Teri on the other side of the bar and I know I have to talk to her tonight. Luckily I was able to secure her alone for a few minutes so I started talking to her. I don't know what came over me but I decided to tell her my feelings. I told her that I really liked her and I wanted to get to know her better. She had a lot of self confidence issues and tried to convince me that she wasn't anything special and wasn't worth it. I'm not sure what to do in that situation but I tried to convince her that she meant something to me. I'm not sure if this came off as needy or not. She looked into my eyes and I can tell that she was surprised but in a good way. At this point people starting coming around and I had to cut my conversation short. I asked for her phone number and she gave it to me.
After that we all decided to head to a local night club. I arrived a bit after her and she was already out there talking to coworkers. I walked around talking to people and finally came up to her. She was still in a state of confusion from being a bit tipsy but she grabbed my hand and took me to the dance floor. We danced for a little while but neither of us were any good but we enjoyed it. I took her by the hand and brought her to some chairs off to the side. I continued to talk to her but she was sad because of events that had happened in her life. I tried to cheer her up but she had issues with her life and may not be ready for a relationship. I kept getting indicators of interest so after seeing it for awhile I grabbed her cheek puller her close and started kissing her. She kissed back and we started making out for a little bit. After we stopped a few of her friends came by to check on her and took her away form me. I continued to hang out for a bit and have fun with my friends before heading out for the night. I went to her and gave her a hug goodbye and told her that I would call her.
I'm excited but scared at the same time. I'm proud of myself that I approached her and told her how I felt but wasn't sure if I handled the situation right. She is the one that I think of when I think of the perfect girl for me. I don't want to get oneitis and I don't want to come off as needy. I want to show her a good time and see where this goes. Wish me luck
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Monday, November 23, 2009
Inner Game
For a lot of people who enter the game they have something missing in their life. They feel a void in them that they usually try to fill in with sex and girls. If a person can get to that point where they can fill their life with that they may feel temperoraily satisfied but it still won't fill that void.
There was a concept I learned about called the Quarter-Life Crisis. What usually happens at the age of 25 a man gets to a point in his life where he is done with his academics but has not yet decided what he wants in life. Especially in today's times we are given so many options. If we were to get a degree in business or any field we can take that and pursue many different jobs. The question is where do we want to go with our career? What about our social life? By nature men are always horny. Sex runs through our mind non-stop during a day. We see a female and we just enter a mode where we are naked with them in a hotel room living out our fantasy. Unfortunately we never have the courage or the know-how to start an interaction that could possibly lead there. There are so many possibilities for us but we usually don't know which goals we want to pursue. That is what the void is. When we have a purpose in life, goals we want to achieve, and a person we want to become we feel wholeness. The constant pursuit of being a better person and achieving it is what will make us what we want to be
We often times don't know what our purpose in life us. As a child into our teenage years a path is set down for us by our parents. We are forced to go to school and follow a certain path. Our social interactions are limited to what is allowed. As we grow older our limits slowly get removed. By the time we hit our quarter century we are almost limitless. For so long we have followed a path set forth before us that we have a hard time figuring out what our purpose is. Yes we all have our desires and wants but when asked what our reason for being on this earth is most of us wouldn't know what to say. We just live because we are allowed to.
The biggest sticking point of the game but the one that is probably ignored the most is Inner Game. Inner Game is how we feel about ourselves inside and what we believe we can accomplish. I look at myself and I tell myself that I am to fat, don't have a good personality, a girl would be bored with me, or they just want someone else. These are all limiting beliefs that most men have that prevent us from getting what we want in life. When we turn it around and tell ourselves girls want me, I am a good looking man, people want to hear what I have to say we end up being more successful in life. If we go into an interaction believing that the girl wants to be with us we can make that a reality. If we impose our reality we can make other people believe it.
How do we we improve our inner game? The first thing is to acknowledge that it exists and it is important.
There was a concept I learned about called the Quarter-Life Crisis. What usually happens at the age of 25 a man gets to a point in his life where he is done with his academics but has not yet decided what he wants in life. Especially in today's times we are given so many options. If we were to get a degree in business or any field we can take that and pursue many different jobs. The question is where do we want to go with our career? What about our social life? By nature men are always horny. Sex runs through our mind non-stop during a day. We see a female and we just enter a mode where we are naked with them in a hotel room living out our fantasy. Unfortunately we never have the courage or the know-how to start an interaction that could possibly lead there. There are so many possibilities for us but we usually don't know which goals we want to pursue. That is what the void is. When we have a purpose in life, goals we want to achieve, and a person we want to become we feel wholeness. The constant pursuit of being a better person and achieving it is what will make us what we want to be
We often times don't know what our purpose in life us. As a child into our teenage years a path is set down for us by our parents. We are forced to go to school and follow a certain path. Our social interactions are limited to what is allowed. As we grow older our limits slowly get removed. By the time we hit our quarter century we are almost limitless. For so long we have followed a path set forth before us that we have a hard time figuring out what our purpose is. Yes we all have our desires and wants but when asked what our reason for being on this earth is most of us wouldn't know what to say. We just live because we are allowed to.
The biggest sticking point of the game but the one that is probably ignored the most is Inner Game. Inner Game is how we feel about ourselves inside and what we believe we can accomplish. I look at myself and I tell myself that I am to fat, don't have a good personality, a girl would be bored with me, or they just want someone else. These are all limiting beliefs that most men have that prevent us from getting what we want in life. When we turn it around and tell ourselves girls want me, I am a good looking man, people want to hear what I have to say we end up being more successful in life. If we go into an interaction believing that the girl wants to be with us we can make that a reality. If we impose our reality we can make other people believe it.
How do we we improve our inner game? The first thing is to acknowledge that it exists and it is important.
Friday, November 6, 2009
Halloween Weekend Field Report
I started the path to enlightenment a few months ago. I set a lot of goals for myself. They always teach you that you should get out there and field test this stuff and not just read the stuff and pretend to know what is going on. So for Halloween weekend I got the ability to try some of what I had been learning out.
Halloween is an awesome time because it lets girls act and dress slutty and be someone they really are not. For guys we can oogle at the awesome costumes that have short skirts and nice cleavage. I don't really know when the last time I was able to enjoy Halloween. The last couple of years I had been working that night and I remember trick or treating as a kid.
Friday night I decide that I haven't seen my best friend for a while so I head out in his direction. We pick up his cousin and catch up over dinner and decide to go bowling aft wards. The bowling alley we picked had a bar attached to it and plenty of hot women. As we are bowling there are tons of people having fun behind me. Beautiful girls in short skirts and people in the bar getting drunk and singing karaoke. A perfect environment to mingle and meet some new people. I walk around and there are people dressed as firemen with skimpy fire outfits, nurses, angels, devils, vampires, airline stewardesses, the works. I was loving every minute of it. Even though the environment was great to approach and talk to these people I just couldn't. I was crippled by approach anxiety. What do I say? What do I do? What if they think I am weird? I don't belong in this place.
I went home that day feeling defeated about not being able to go up to any girls. I didn't even give anyone a hello. When I am home I get a text message from my cousin asking if I was in the club yet. I thought I had a Halloween party to go to the following night but I checked the e-mail and it was a pre-holiday bash. I feel pissed because I miss the party but I wouldn't have been able to go since i had work the next morning. I reply to my cousin saying I messed up and got the date wrong. He tells me that its not a big deal and that he might have another party the next night.
The following day I felt horrible at work. I was tired from the night before and I had a bad headache. I didn't feel like going out that night but I wanted to push myself. When I got home I fell straight asleep and I was awoken by my cell phone ringing. it was my cousin giving me details on the party that night. It was by invite only at an advertising agency in the city. I drive out to my friend, pick up his girlfriend and return to his place. We put makeup on the both of them and get a cab into the city. We arrive at the building and there were 2 guards checking names to make sure they were on the list. Luckily my cousins name was on the list so we head up to the 5Th floor and enter the concept farm.
The concept farm was transformed from a regular office with board rooms, cubicles, and an overall office over to Halloween themed fun house. I could tell that they definitely put a lot of money into making this an incredible party. My cousin and I get the royal tour of the place. I had set a goal in action. I was going to talk to as many sets and girls as possible. So I set out to find anyone to talk to. I was nervous at first but everyone being in costume made it easy to jump in and talk about what there costume is supposed to be. I end up approaching 12-15 different girls that night. Some of them were really receptive and we had a descent conversation. Others said hello and thank you and turned and walked away. One common theme I noticed was I didn't know where to take the conversation. I was so worried that I didn't know what to say next so I just went into interview mode. I was just bombarding them with questions that they didn't want to answer and bringing up topics that they were trying to escape. By the end of the night I felt broken. I talked to so many girls but I had no idea how to talk to girls. I just gave up at the end and just watched TV until it was time to go home.
The following day we had a trip planned to fright fest. It was my best friend, his friend, and a girl I met at a part a month ago who all planned to go. The girl's name was Tasha and I was interested in her. I wanted to take this opportunity to hang out with her and build comfort and attraction with her. I had already opened her, created a level of attraction that had gotten me this far. Problem is so many times I end up in the friend zone. I decide that I am going to use a descent amount of kino, some dhv, and overall alpha male qualities. In the end though she gets annoyed with me turning into an interviewer and she nick named me dad. Apparently I controlled what people did or didn't do so she made fun of it by asking "dad" permission for everything. I also over analyze to many things and I pointed them out.
After the weekend was over I felt horrible about myself. When it comes to girls I never met before I fear approaching them. If I work up enough courage to approach I don't know what to say. If I get to the point where they give me a chance I go into interview mode. When I feel comfortable with them I enter the over analytical mode. Then I internalize everything and I fear going out there and doing anything. I feel lost and not sure if I should continue or how. There are things I need to change about myself but not sure how to do it.
Halloween is an awesome time because it lets girls act and dress slutty and be someone they really are not. For guys we can oogle at the awesome costumes that have short skirts and nice cleavage. I don't really know when the last time I was able to enjoy Halloween. The last couple of years I had been working that night and I remember trick or treating as a kid.
Friday night I decide that I haven't seen my best friend for a while so I head out in his direction. We pick up his cousin and catch up over dinner and decide to go bowling aft wards. The bowling alley we picked had a bar attached to it and plenty of hot women. As we are bowling there are tons of people having fun behind me. Beautiful girls in short skirts and people in the bar getting drunk and singing karaoke. A perfect environment to mingle and meet some new people. I walk around and there are people dressed as firemen with skimpy fire outfits, nurses, angels, devils, vampires, airline stewardesses, the works. I was loving every minute of it. Even though the environment was great to approach and talk to these people I just couldn't. I was crippled by approach anxiety. What do I say? What do I do? What if they think I am weird? I don't belong in this place.
I went home that day feeling defeated about not being able to go up to any girls. I didn't even give anyone a hello. When I am home I get a text message from my cousin asking if I was in the club yet. I thought I had a Halloween party to go to the following night but I checked the e-mail and it was a pre-holiday bash. I feel pissed because I miss the party but I wouldn't have been able to go since i had work the next morning. I reply to my cousin saying I messed up and got the date wrong. He tells me that its not a big deal and that he might have another party the next night.
The following day I felt horrible at work. I was tired from the night before and I had a bad headache. I didn't feel like going out that night but I wanted to push myself. When I got home I fell straight asleep and I was awoken by my cell phone ringing. it was my cousin giving me details on the party that night. It was by invite only at an advertising agency in the city. I drive out to my friend, pick up his girlfriend and return to his place. We put makeup on the both of them and get a cab into the city. We arrive at the building and there were 2 guards checking names to make sure they were on the list. Luckily my cousins name was on the list so we head up to the 5Th floor and enter the concept farm.
The concept farm was transformed from a regular office with board rooms, cubicles, and an overall office over to Halloween themed fun house. I could tell that they definitely put a lot of money into making this an incredible party. My cousin and I get the royal tour of the place. I had set a goal in action. I was going to talk to as many sets and girls as possible. So I set out to find anyone to talk to. I was nervous at first but everyone being in costume made it easy to jump in and talk about what there costume is supposed to be. I end up approaching 12-15 different girls that night. Some of them were really receptive and we had a descent conversation. Others said hello and thank you and turned and walked away. One common theme I noticed was I didn't know where to take the conversation. I was so worried that I didn't know what to say next so I just went into interview mode. I was just bombarding them with questions that they didn't want to answer and bringing up topics that they were trying to escape. By the end of the night I felt broken. I talked to so many girls but I had no idea how to talk to girls. I just gave up at the end and just watched TV until it was time to go home.
The following day we had a trip planned to fright fest. It was my best friend, his friend, and a girl I met at a part a month ago who all planned to go. The girl's name was Tasha and I was interested in her. I wanted to take this opportunity to hang out with her and build comfort and attraction with her. I had already opened her, created a level of attraction that had gotten me this far. Problem is so many times I end up in the friend zone. I decide that I am going to use a descent amount of kino, some dhv, and overall alpha male qualities. In the end though she gets annoyed with me turning into an interviewer and she nick named me dad. Apparently I controlled what people did or didn't do so she made fun of it by asking "dad" permission for everything. I also over analyze to many things and I pointed them out.
After the weekend was over I felt horrible about myself. When it comes to girls I never met before I fear approaching them. If I work up enough courage to approach I don't know what to say. If I get to the point where they give me a chance I go into interview mode. When I feel comfortable with them I enter the over analytical mode. Then I internalize everything and I fear going out there and doing anything. I feel lost and not sure if I should continue or how. There are things I need to change about myself but not sure how to do it.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
The Bad Boy
Over the last few months I have learned a lot about attracting the opposite sex and what goes on in the female subconscious. What is it that separates someone from being just a friend and someone that brings up sexual thoughts.
I went through my life always believing it was about personality. Be kind, thoughtful, generous, and overall a nice guy and that is what a girl wants. If you ask any girl they will tell you that that is defiantly what they want. But when that comes up to them they reject it. They don't feel the spark or connection that makes them want to pursue it any further. They turn away and go after the boy that they cannot have. The one that doesn't really care about them, the one that gives them chase. He is the bad boy.
Every girl loves him and every guy wants to be him. But what makes him so special. Its all about attitude and confidence. If a girl tells you to do something or that she likes something he doesn't care. He continues to do his own thing and if you want to come along for the ride work hard for an invitation. The thing is these personality traits don't usually have everything that a girl wants in the long term. The guy will show her a good time, build up her sexual tension, and make her crave for more. He will get what he wants and usually will move on leaving the girl devastate and wondering what she can do to win him back.
He typically doesn't want to commit. He won't be generous, wont be a good father, will probably cheat on her, and overall not treat her the way she wants to be treated. The more he acts that way the more she will want him. The more she will work to change him and mold him into the man she dreams.
I've been interacting with people, watching movies, and listening to people talk about what it all means. I know the type of person that I am. I am a good guy. I treat women well, I send them flowers, talk to them when they have problems and buy them gifts to make them feel better. Every time I act like myself I push them further and further away from me. I was told that my biggest weakness is that people can walk all over me. I don't think its true but obviously they see something to be saying it.
So how do I transform myself into being someone that is closer to the bad boy and less like the AFC (average frustrated chump) that I am. I am a very obsessive person. When I find something to obsess about it I'll stick with it and be the best at it that I possibly can be. In my life it has typically been video games. Most recently World of Warcraft. I would spend hours in the game learning to be the best and when I wasn't playing I would go out and figure out how to be better. I want to put that behind me. I don't want to be obsesses with that anymore. I am trying to make working out my new obsession. So far its working out well. I am pushing myself to work harder and make myself a less of a fat ass. I have been getting compliments about how I have lost weight and am looking a lot better.
The other aspect of it is to the mental game. It his hard to train my body language and my fears. I am so afraid of approach anxiety. Not so much to the fact that I don't want to talk but I don't know what to say once I get there. I tried lines but I can't present them well. I have had limited success but the more I see a hot girl and want to approach the harder it is. It shouldn't be so scary but it is . I need to figure out how to work on my inner game.
Its a lot about being the alpha male. Mystery put it best. An alpha male connects well with people, is well groomed, seen as the social center of the room, conveys confidence, conveys a sense of humor and smiles. On my good days I can do that. I need to be able to do that all the time and make myself the one that girls want to be with. I also can't let a girl direct the way I go. I need to be able to be my own man and when I don't like something or not interested be able to say it. It might seem wrong at first but the girl respects that more then if you actually do what she says.
The female mind is complicated. Some of us have figured it out and can get a girl in bed in less then 30 minutes. The rest of us are average frustrated chumps who want it so bad but have a hard time being what they want. I don't think I can ever stop being the good guy. But hopefully with enough time and practice i can portray myself as a man that they want to be with.
I went through my life always believing it was about personality. Be kind, thoughtful, generous, and overall a nice guy and that is what a girl wants. If you ask any girl they will tell you that that is defiantly what they want. But when that comes up to them they reject it. They don't feel the spark or connection that makes them want to pursue it any further. They turn away and go after the boy that they cannot have. The one that doesn't really care about them, the one that gives them chase. He is the bad boy.
Every girl loves him and every guy wants to be him. But what makes him so special. Its all about attitude and confidence. If a girl tells you to do something or that she likes something he doesn't care. He continues to do his own thing and if you want to come along for the ride work hard for an invitation. The thing is these personality traits don't usually have everything that a girl wants in the long term. The guy will show her a good time, build up her sexual tension, and make her crave for more. He will get what he wants and usually will move on leaving the girl devastate and wondering what she can do to win him back.
He typically doesn't want to commit. He won't be generous, wont be a good father, will probably cheat on her, and overall not treat her the way she wants to be treated. The more he acts that way the more she will want him. The more she will work to change him and mold him into the man she dreams.
I've been interacting with people, watching movies, and listening to people talk about what it all means. I know the type of person that I am. I am a good guy. I treat women well, I send them flowers, talk to them when they have problems and buy them gifts to make them feel better. Every time I act like myself I push them further and further away from me. I was told that my biggest weakness is that people can walk all over me. I don't think its true but obviously they see something to be saying it.
So how do I transform myself into being someone that is closer to the bad boy and less like the AFC (average frustrated chump) that I am. I am a very obsessive person. When I find something to obsess about it I'll stick with it and be the best at it that I possibly can be. In my life it has typically been video games. Most recently World of Warcraft. I would spend hours in the game learning to be the best and when I wasn't playing I would go out and figure out how to be better. I want to put that behind me. I don't want to be obsesses with that anymore. I am trying to make working out my new obsession. So far its working out well. I am pushing myself to work harder and make myself a less of a fat ass. I have been getting compliments about how I have lost weight and am looking a lot better.
The other aspect of it is to the mental game. It his hard to train my body language and my fears. I am so afraid of approach anxiety. Not so much to the fact that I don't want to talk but I don't know what to say once I get there. I tried lines but I can't present them well. I have had limited success but the more I see a hot girl and want to approach the harder it is. It shouldn't be so scary but it is . I need to figure out how to work on my inner game.
Its a lot about being the alpha male. Mystery put it best. An alpha male connects well with people, is well groomed, seen as the social center of the room, conveys confidence, conveys a sense of humor and smiles. On my good days I can do that. I need to be able to do that all the time and make myself the one that girls want to be with. I also can't let a girl direct the way I go. I need to be able to be my own man and when I don't like something or not interested be able to say it. It might seem wrong at first but the girl respects that more then if you actually do what she says.
The female mind is complicated. Some of us have figured it out and can get a girl in bed in less then 30 minutes. The rest of us are average frustrated chumps who want it so bad but have a hard time being what they want. I don't think I can ever stop being the good guy. But hopefully with enough time and practice i can portray myself as a man that they want to be with.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
The Evolution
Spirituality is a part of my life. I was born christian went to church for a good part of my life but I have always been a rebel. In my teen years I chose to fight against what I couldn't understand. To me religion was a way for people to explain what they didn't know. It was used by people in power to keep in power and to be used as a tool to keep people controlled. There have been incredibly good things done because of religion and incredibly evil things done in the name of God.
Even though I have issues with organized religion I still believe in a higher power. I believe that God has a role in my life. I believe that certain events in my life happen because there is something out there that pushes my life in the direction it needs to go.
My last break up was with a girl that I had met through an online dating site. At first things were going great but it was a long distance relationship. she lived in Philadelphia and I am in New York. It takes 2 hours to get there which isn't horrible but its not something you can do after work and be back the next day for your shift. We would constantly be on the phone multiple times a day talking about whatever. After a while I didn't have the desire to talk as much. There wasn't much to talk about and we both felt that we weren't right for each other. She eventually broke up with me and I did nothing to prevent it. After not having her in my life I did miss her. We had taken a trip to Washington DC together for 3 days which was probably one of the best vacations I ever had. It was awesome to be able to tour through a city with a girl on your arm. I would constantly be thinking about our time together alone, at the circus, or just out to dinner together. I wasn't necessarily missing her but the act of having someone that you like and can spend time with.
I told my cousin one day that I had missed her. I don't know why I brought it up because typically I am not open with my emotions. We got to talking about relationships and he had recommended a book. That book was called The Game. I quickly ordered it on Amazon and a couple of days later I started reading it. It was an amazingly well written book that has a lot of wisdom.
As I started reading the book it filled me with confidence. It was all about how to get a women. I always wanted to believe that there wasn't a game that men and women played or that I would find a girl based on who I am but that doesn't work as well. We are all creatures that have desire and drive. Our subconscious is triggered by certain actions. Women are driven to attraction by an alpha male. Someone of confidence, strength, presence, and more then likely an asshole. While every girl wants to be with someone who treats them nice and takes care of them, that behavior is a turn off to most women. They want someone who is a bad boy, mysterious, adventurous who will bring drama into their life. Every girl will deny it but the proof is out there on the street.
God, the universe, a higher being are all not cruel. He hears what we have to say but doesn't drop it in our lap. If we are handed something like a child we might enjoy it for a few minutes but we quickly get bored and ignore it. If we are forced to work for something we want and it isn't easy but we get it we appreciate it that much more. We cherish it and we work to keep it.
I have read the book, listen to advice pod casts, and searched the Internet for the tools I need to be the person that a girl is attracted to. I have the will and desire to become not just me but the best me I can be.
The Game has a follow up book as well. Its called Rules of the Game. in the book it has the stylelife challenge. It is exercises done every day to help build the confidence and change habits to attract a girl that you want. I'm still very early on in the book but it so far has shown me that girls are not by nature mean. If you approach them and ask them a question they will usually politely awnser it for you. Even though we have come far in the equality of both sexes it is still expected that guy always initiate the conversation and take action to push the relationship forward. The one thing I am most afraid of is rejection. When thinking about talking to a hot girl I will always think about how she will tell me no. I know that its not the end of the world if she says no but it destroys me inside. I want to run and hide from the world and I question if I should have even have had the right to be born.
Though it doesn't matter. So what if she said no. Its not like its the end of the world. Plus there are so many girls out there that would be lucky to have a guy like me. But what if she said yes. Maybe we would have had a great time together. Even if we don't end up with wedding bells in the future there are limitless possibilities of social connections, learning new stuff, or just having a blast. If you ask out 100 girls and 99 girls say no you are still in a better position then if you asked no one.
Maybe one day I will fall in love...
Even though I have issues with organized religion I still believe in a higher power. I believe that God has a role in my life. I believe that certain events in my life happen because there is something out there that pushes my life in the direction it needs to go.
My last break up was with a girl that I had met through an online dating site. At first things were going great but it was a long distance relationship. she lived in Philadelphia and I am in New York. It takes 2 hours to get there which isn't horrible but its not something you can do after work and be back the next day for your shift. We would constantly be on the phone multiple times a day talking about whatever. After a while I didn't have the desire to talk as much. There wasn't much to talk about and we both felt that we weren't right for each other. She eventually broke up with me and I did nothing to prevent it. After not having her in my life I did miss her. We had taken a trip to Washington DC together for 3 days which was probably one of the best vacations I ever had. It was awesome to be able to tour through a city with a girl on your arm. I would constantly be thinking about our time together alone, at the circus, or just out to dinner together. I wasn't necessarily missing her but the act of having someone that you like and can spend time with.
I told my cousin one day that I had missed her. I don't know why I brought it up because typically I am not open with my emotions. We got to talking about relationships and he had recommended a book. That book was called The Game. I quickly ordered it on Amazon and a couple of days later I started reading it. It was an amazingly well written book that has a lot of wisdom.
As I started reading the book it filled me with confidence. It was all about how to get a women. I always wanted to believe that there wasn't a game that men and women played or that I would find a girl based on who I am but that doesn't work as well. We are all creatures that have desire and drive. Our subconscious is triggered by certain actions. Women are driven to attraction by an alpha male. Someone of confidence, strength, presence, and more then likely an asshole. While every girl wants to be with someone who treats them nice and takes care of them, that behavior is a turn off to most women. They want someone who is a bad boy, mysterious, adventurous who will bring drama into their life. Every girl will deny it but the proof is out there on the street.
God, the universe, a higher being are all not cruel. He hears what we have to say but doesn't drop it in our lap. If we are handed something like a child we might enjoy it for a few minutes but we quickly get bored and ignore it. If we are forced to work for something we want and it isn't easy but we get it we appreciate it that much more. We cherish it and we work to keep it.
I have read the book, listen to advice pod casts, and searched the Internet for the tools I need to be the person that a girl is attracted to. I have the will and desire to become not just me but the best me I can be.
The Game has a follow up book as well. Its called Rules of the Game. in the book it has the stylelife challenge. It is exercises done every day to help build the confidence and change habits to attract a girl that you want. I'm still very early on in the book but it so far has shown me that girls are not by nature mean. If you approach them and ask them a question they will usually politely awnser it for you. Even though we have come far in the equality of both sexes it is still expected that guy always initiate the conversation and take action to push the relationship forward. The one thing I am most afraid of is rejection. When thinking about talking to a hot girl I will always think about how she will tell me no. I know that its not the end of the world if she says no but it destroys me inside. I want to run and hide from the world and I question if I should have even have had the right to be born.
Though it doesn't matter. So what if she said no. Its not like its the end of the world. Plus there are so many girls out there that would be lucky to have a guy like me. But what if she said yes. Maybe we would have had a great time together. Even if we don't end up with wedding bells in the future there are limitless possibilities of social connections, learning new stuff, or just having a blast. If you ask out 100 girls and 99 girls say no you are still in a better position then if you asked no one.
Maybe one day I will fall in love...
Saturday, August 1, 2009
The Simple Truth about me
I have decided to create a blog to simply write down my thoughts about my life and what is happening to me. I am 26 as of writing this, an Indian born American male citizen. I was born in a remote town about 2 hours north of the southern most tip of India. It was a simple small town called Kerela. My family there was not rich by any means and we got by with what we had. My parents got sponsored to come to America by my aunt so they left me and my sister in the care of our grandmother for a year while they settled in New York. They came and got us and brought us all to New York when I turned 5 years old. We lived in a small apartment for about 5 years and then my family moved out to the suburbs when I was 10 years old. I have been living here in this suburban town for the last 16 years.
While I am an Indian I have lived in the US for as long as I can remember. I no longer have my accent but I can still speak my native tongue because my grandmother lives with us and that is the only way we can communicate. Being here in the US means that I am constantly being torn between my traditional Indian Christian background and that of the society of new york. Like most young adults I rebel against my traditional side. I will always be Indian but what I want for my life is the American dream. To one day fall in love with a beautiful girl who loves me just as much as she does. I want to be able to have kids that I can take care of and teach them to make it in this world. To have a job that I enjoy going to that allows me to take care of the people I love and afford the things we want and need. To own the house in the suburbs with multiple bedrooms and enough yard space for the kids to play in.
A what a great dream it would be. But that's just it. Its a dream that isn't reality. The true reason behind me writing this blog is to chronicle the sadness in my life about acquiring this dream. I consider myself both lucky and unlucky in life. I know there are lots of people in life who would kill to be able to have what I have but it doesn't change the way I feel about my self. If you look at life from the outside I have a lot of things going for me. I have my mother, grandmother, and sister who all care for me. I currently live at home with my mother and grandmother and they do a lot for me. They do my laundry, cook me food, take care of keeping the house in order and don't ask much back in return.
I graduated high school close to top of my class and went onto college. The first college I went to didn't go so well. I wasn't sure what I wanted in life and I'm not that great in social situations. I dropped out of my first college and got a job at a local EB Games. I love video games and knew a lot about them. I was able to take my knowledge and share it with people who needed help and this made my feel good about myself and to develop the social skills I was so sorely lacking. While a job at the mall can put some change in your pocket it won't allow you to reach a point of independence. So my mother recommended that I go back to school and try out X-ray school. It was a decision of either trying to become an assistant manager and work my way up the chain or go back and go to school. Luckily for me my application to be an assistant manager got lost when the district manager got fired. The choice was made for me and I went back to school.
I learned that I really liked doing x-rays and was very good and efficient at it. It gave me a feeling doing a job that was helping people while not having to deal with a lot of unwanted physical contact. It also allowed me to make enough money to one day live my dreams out. I worked hard and got offered a job where I performed my clinical. Soon enough I was earning a healthy pay check and even moved on to make more money doing CT scans.
I don't like who I am physically. I am a big person. I am 6'0, weigh over 260 lbs, and not the guy girls picture as their dream husband. I also don't like who I am inside. I think I am quite a boring person. I am a geek at heart and I love computers, video games, and gadgets. I have an unhealthy obsessions with things like Warcraft and Halo taking up to much of my time.
I have a type A personality where I have to constantly be doing things. It used to be school and work took up most of my time but I knew that it was working toward something. Now that I am here after taking care of what I need to I fill my time with non sense. Watching movies, tv shows, video games, anything to keep my mind off of what I don't have. I always had an addictive personality and that's why I stay away form things like cigarettes, alcohol, and drugs. When I find something I like I latch onto it and keep constantly thinking about it. I want to be able to use that energy on someone but it hasn't happened yet.
I haven't fallen in love...
While I am an Indian I have lived in the US for as long as I can remember. I no longer have my accent but I can still speak my native tongue because my grandmother lives with us and that is the only way we can communicate. Being here in the US means that I am constantly being torn between my traditional Indian Christian background and that of the society of new york. Like most young adults I rebel against my traditional side. I will always be Indian but what I want for my life is the American dream. To one day fall in love with a beautiful girl who loves me just as much as she does. I want to be able to have kids that I can take care of and teach them to make it in this world. To have a job that I enjoy going to that allows me to take care of the people I love and afford the things we want and need. To own the house in the suburbs with multiple bedrooms and enough yard space for the kids to play in.
A what a great dream it would be. But that's just it. Its a dream that isn't reality. The true reason behind me writing this blog is to chronicle the sadness in my life about acquiring this dream. I consider myself both lucky and unlucky in life. I know there are lots of people in life who would kill to be able to have what I have but it doesn't change the way I feel about my self. If you look at life from the outside I have a lot of things going for me. I have my mother, grandmother, and sister who all care for me. I currently live at home with my mother and grandmother and they do a lot for me. They do my laundry, cook me food, take care of keeping the house in order and don't ask much back in return.
I graduated high school close to top of my class and went onto college. The first college I went to didn't go so well. I wasn't sure what I wanted in life and I'm not that great in social situations. I dropped out of my first college and got a job at a local EB Games. I love video games and knew a lot about them. I was able to take my knowledge and share it with people who needed help and this made my feel good about myself and to develop the social skills I was so sorely lacking. While a job at the mall can put some change in your pocket it won't allow you to reach a point of independence. So my mother recommended that I go back to school and try out X-ray school. It was a decision of either trying to become an assistant manager and work my way up the chain or go back and go to school. Luckily for me my application to be an assistant manager got lost when the district manager got fired. The choice was made for me and I went back to school.
I learned that I really liked doing x-rays and was very good and efficient at it. It gave me a feeling doing a job that was helping people while not having to deal with a lot of unwanted physical contact. It also allowed me to make enough money to one day live my dreams out. I worked hard and got offered a job where I performed my clinical. Soon enough I was earning a healthy pay check and even moved on to make more money doing CT scans.
I don't like who I am physically. I am a big person. I am 6'0, weigh over 260 lbs, and not the guy girls picture as their dream husband. I also don't like who I am inside. I think I am quite a boring person. I am a geek at heart and I love computers, video games, and gadgets. I have an unhealthy obsessions with things like Warcraft and Halo taking up to much of my time.
I have a type A personality where I have to constantly be doing things. It used to be school and work took up most of my time but I knew that it was working toward something. Now that I am here after taking care of what I need to I fill my time with non sense. Watching movies, tv shows, video games, anything to keep my mind off of what I don't have. I always had an addictive personality and that's why I stay away form things like cigarettes, alcohol, and drugs. When I find something I like I latch onto it and keep constantly thinking about it. I want to be able to use that energy on someone but it hasn't happened yet.
I haven't fallen in love...
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